How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
