Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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