just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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