New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
not ubering you a puppy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
