and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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