xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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