I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
