woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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