Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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