i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just gift wrapped bread.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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