kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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