bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
