i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
