i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
