somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
