I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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