Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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