you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
