I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize