Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just cropdusted the office
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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