I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
