If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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