The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
