i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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