remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
