Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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