Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
