Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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