Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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