I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Someone signed my nipple.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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