Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
