I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize