I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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