no, he came in my armpit
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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