I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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