I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize