Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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