You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
