Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
