3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
