New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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