doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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