seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
