i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
