Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
