It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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