so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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