I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
