So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
