talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
NoShamevember. You game?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
