i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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