Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
