I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
