i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
