I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
