Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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