Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize