I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
