"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
