she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
