real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Houston, we have a squirter
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
