Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
